Four years

Four years.

The first year the devil

Was my best friend

My

Entire

Universe

So close he could see inside my head

See inside my heart

Knew every little secret,

Every part of me

As his own.

I didn't know.

I never knew.

I was too close.

The second year the devil

Left.

So brutally

Leaving me reeling

In his absence.

Oh, how to survive?

How to survive without something so crucial?

How to survive without my second half,

The second half of my brain?

Where am I?

Who am I?

What happened?

And then the blame

Turning it on myself

While the devil ran off

And made friends with the people

Just yesterday he had sworn he hated.

But it was my fault, somehow.

I grieved him like a lost loved one.

He was too close.

The third year the devil

Fought my every step

My every word.

I started it.

He took it and ran.

No longer ignoring me but turning everything he'd ever learned

Into a weapon.

Pinning me down

Drowning under my own words

So viciously

I should've known better.

People like that

Are people to stay away from.

I didn't because

I believed

He was the key.

Back-and-forth

Back-and-forth

So tired, so annoyed

Obsessed.

We were too close.

The fourth year the devil

Became nothing

So suddenly.

Life moved on and the wheels were whirring

And if you slow down at a time like that

You get dragged under.

I doggy-paddled to safety.

Just

Barely

Made it.

Staying up.

Keeping my head above the water.

Distractions, distractions,

Distractions became actual things

That actually mattered

Distractions that became my life.

The final week the devil

Came back.

My fault.

Can't stop craving what I've grown reliant on.

Boomerang.

Oh, how I wish otherwise.

Anger

Still angry

Always angry

Do you see?

Do you see what you've done?

The final week the devil

Is actually decent

And I am left to wonder

Have I made him a villain in my mind to protect myself

Or was he there all along?