Fourteen - expectations

You get older

nothing gets easier.

Everything only gets worse.

I have mountains of expectations

over fourteen years of my life

it feels like so much

it's so little

why does everyone expect so much?

Soon I'll be a high schooler but

I always thought when I was little that

high school was the equivalent of college

this revered, mysterious

far-off place I wouldn't have to worry about

now I have to worry about it!

select my classes make friends go on dates get good grades!

And we visited the high school and it was fine but I can't do this

I'm not old enough for this

I'm not an adult

I'll be twenty in six years

ahhh!

I'm good where I am!

Can't I just stay here?

I don't age gracefully because I cling and procrastinate

and I always thought by the time I was fourteen-fifteen

I'd feel older

and yet I felt tiny and insignificant and squashable and young and stupid

and so many other adjectives

I felt like a little kid

I'm not there yet.

I am but

I know I could thrive but

but I don't want to

my brain can't wrap around the fact that I'm getting older

I could start drivers ed whenever I wanted

get a job

work get paid

go to high school

go to prom

get a life

research colleges

apply get rejected get accepted

audition more more more

the world

will never

stop wanting

more

from

me