Goldfinch

Yesterday,
a goldfinch on my heart fell in love

it fell in love 
with a stranger
in the grocery store
when he offered to help me
pick out some apples
and a batch of cinnamon 
cookies

it fell in love 
with the way he complained about the prices
and the way he talked
about honeycrisp and fuji apples
and the way he explained how cinnamon 
was made

it fell in love 
with how he could make
the most boring subjects sound interesting
and how each word that came out of his mouth
ignited a tiny flame in my heart
healing the past wounds
that I’ve hidden inside 
for too long

it fell in love 
with how his hands gestured in the air
and his imperfect smile
and the way his eyes
seemed to sink into mine
as we momentarily 
locked gazes

to him it was just another careless glance
but to me
it was like my first shot of 
whiskey
the burning sensation
warming my throat
pouring over my soul
drowning my heart

the fire ablaze

as the world
seemed to collapse
just for the two of us

yesterday I fell in love with him.

yesterday,
a goldfinch on my heart 
fell in love

it fell in love 
with a stranger on the subway
that I met only
by staring at the back 
of his head

it fell in love
with his sweatshirt
a simple pearl grey
like December’s
first frost

it fell in love 
not 
with his hazelnut hair
neat and tidy
but with how it looked as if
he had brushed it a million 
times
in the morning
insecure
about how others would think
he looked

it fell in love
with the way he constantly adjusted his glasses
and the way
he leaned slightly on the cold
silver subway 
pole

the train stopped

and he walked out of reach
and I watched
the pale grey sweatshirt
move farther
farther
away

the goldfinch on my heart wanted me to tell him 
that I loved him

but I push it down and say,
“not today, another day.”

but yesterday I fell in love with him.

yesterday,
a goldfinch on my heart 
fell in love

it fell in love with an invisible stranger
and we leaned against each other
and walked into the setting sun
hand in hand

today
I pour tears and rum over my heart
and whisper to the goldfinch 
silently
telling it to go away
and that I
can’t afford
to fall in love
again