good

i can focus.

i can hone into every texture

and let my skin absorb it all.

if i focus

i won’t despise myself in a matter of envy

i won’t cross my fingers and toes

for everyone i try to love

to see their own digits of excess

and letters of loathing to skyrocket.

i don’t need to be better.

i need them to be worse.

considering the word good,

in the most innate and simple meaning,

it is something i am not.

this is a fact not because of the things i do

the lies i weave

or the narcissism i twist into every interaction

but because

i have no faith and no will to change,

no faith nor will to become good.

unless i focus.

i can focus.

i think i can, but i think

i can do everything, and i know

i’m wrong about that.