grandmother

i can't belive
that after all this time
all the years we've spent together
there's a limit
to how long
i have left with you. 

this pain is raw
and it hurts deeply 
to think 
of all the things
i havent done 
or said 
and how small a time 
i have left to do those things with you 
and tell you those stories
and explain myself to you.

it feels hazy 
to think about the now
tear stained memories
of being little
and running into your arms
saying "watch this!" 
and gifting you crayoned dawings 
of things even i can't figure out anymore. 

it wrenches my heart from my chest
to think that you are in pain 
you 
the person who has suported me
and laughed with me
and worried about me
you 
the person who loved me
before i was even born 
you 
the person who is so crazy 
it works
the person
who pronounces bathroom differently
and never hears the end of it
the person who has been my playmate from the begining 
and never failed to make me smile
the person who told storries about cockraoches in the shower
and singing with them. 

you 
the person i can't spend time with 
or think of
without wondering how long
how long i have to laugh with you 
how long you have
before the hospital is your home
how long i have 
to tell you 
that i love you. 

you 
my aubwelle
my baka
my seanmháthair
my grandmother. 

I love you.