Guilt

I kneel down on the dewy grass,                            picking up a ladybug by the hand.

The ladybug and I are still as the rain starts to pour down on us. I smile gently as it flies away. “There goes another” I say to myself. 

“You know, if you took that chance. You wouldn’t be here right now.” 

 I know, it’s true. Yet I don’t want to believe it. 

I know I should’ve said something to her before she left. But there was nothing to say. At least, I thought. In that moment.

Yet, why do I want to go back in time?                          To say something. Anything. 
But even if I truly wanted to. I can’t.

 She’s Dead.

So why does my heart ache? 
Why do I want to scream? 

I wish I said something. Anything. 
But I can’t. 
Why didn’t I say something? 
Why didn’t I tell her I cared? 
Why did I have to put on a mean face? 
Why was a so cruel? 

But she’s Dead, I have to live with that reality. 
Even if it kills me.