Her Mind

Author's Note- This poem is about a time where I struggled with a lot of intrusive thoughts about the concept of mortality-- none of these thoughts were intentional or wanted. Please keep in mind I was not in danger of harming myself. Writing this poem definitely allowed me to better comprehend my experience during this time period, and I hope this piece can serve as a source of hope and inspiration for others. 

Levers of ‘what-if’s’ clanking,

Slots of ‘but one day nothing will matter’ whirring in perpetuating cycles.

Ceaseless, one would say. 

A true parasite, 

Perched on its host–

The mind of a girl.

For months,

Fingers of apprehension,

Bleeding with greed,

Welcomed her by wrapping her neck 

In a bold chokehold of wrath. 

She was a prisoner to her own mind.

Short bursts where 

Her autonomy drowned like quicksand,

Haunted her to tears. 

The parasite intended to siphon 

The goodness and strength out of her.

It reverberated her mind with sinister thoughts.

Destructively,

Repetitively. 

Adamantly clinging onto the threads of strength,

She learned to let this parasite transform into

Passing boats of thought. 

Label them as intrusive, 

Separate them from her personal entity,

And let them be.

They didn’t need her attention. 

She was reminded 

That enjoyment simply wouldn’t exist if it didn’t have an end. 

The loop of truth 

Is what nourished her soul–

And kept her going.

Going until

Tranquility finally kissed her cheek,

Opening the gates to the notion that

Her greatest blessing is her mind. 

Sometimes a shelter to parasitic thought patterns, 

But are those thoughts really a part of her true soul,

Her true mind?

Because her mind—

Is mine.

No parasite can stop it. 

It’s one of the many instruments of creation,

Sources of intense love and appreciation, 

Entities of personality and expression, 

Outlets of passions and niche interests,  

Curiosities and wonderings.

We are propellers of imagination and change, and

homes to a myriad of flaws that make us all 

Interconnected by the threads of humanity. 

The mind is the engine powering  

The blessing of existence.