How To Hold A Door

As you reach the end of the hallway, you notice someone behind you. They have their hands full, and they appear to be in a good mood. They are six feet away, and there is no one following them. There are only two doors in the hallway: the one you are headed to and the one from which you entered.

The perfect conditions.

You push the door open, but as you walk through the threshold, you do not let go of the doorknob. Instead, you take one more step, switch hands, and step to the side, the door still in hand. As the person behind you becomes the person in front of you, they look at you, thank you briefly, and you respond with a “No problem” and a gentle nod of the head.

A flawless door-hold.

However, what if situations are suboptimal? What if you go unthanked? Should you probe for a thank-you or even an apology? What if they are simply absorbed in the bad day they are having and get offended? At that point, would it have been better not to hold the door at all?

“I have seen it approached in probably two general ways,”  says Christine Karamanoglou, Director of the Upper Division of Stephen Gaynor School, who spends an estimated twenty hours a month in hallways and has witnessed a range of doorway behavior. Ms. Karamanoglou explains that some do not probe and embrace the fact that “[They] still have done what [they] wanted to do for the world.” She adds, “[Then there are] people who feel like they need to teach some courtesy to other people.” 

But still, the question remains: Should you prompt a thank you?

“It has to do with your purpose in holding the door open,” explains Ms. Karamanoglou. “It might be okay to  probe for a thank you if it's a teaching moment.” 

Ms. Karamanaglou adds that it is only appropriate to probe if it is for the benefit of the person for whom you are holding the door and not for your gratification. She concludes: “Holding the door is a courtesy for someone. When you're yelling at them, 'You're welcome!’ That doesn't seem to come from the same core value.”