i miss you

we used to
giggle under our shared covers, our battery-powered flashlights lighting up 
your almond eyes, perfect dimples, button nose and the quilt above us
sewn only with memories of our childhood, worn shirts pressed with happier times and the scent of you
you would turn your face serious, never suiting you
and then laugh once more, and i would follow along
a chorus of joy echoing far into the night 
and out into the world

we used to 
read late into the afternoon, even when the sun had whispered a gentle goodbye 
Oliver Twist, Peter Pan, the classics filled our minds, possibilities shone 
we dreamt of Neverland, a safe haven, and mindless days of frolicking in the open woods
when bad and good were a line not crossed, and you knew who to trust
we laughed happily and it sounded like music 

we used to 
do homework together, with a tall glass of cold milk,
and chocolate chip cookies
that oozed when you touched them,
and you would squeal excitedly 
halfway through you would start to imitate our strict professors, bored 
Scrunching up your freckled nose,
and furrowing your perfect eyebrows 
a slender finger stabbed itself into the air
and i would clap happily for I knew the answer 
 the world was small, but it was ours
and so it was perfect

but maybe it wasn’t good enough.
 maybe you weren’t good enough
 no more playing catch, childhood cookies, or silly gossip
The world decided to squeeze tight 
and you decided to follow its example
the world was perfect, but it cracked
and you spilt it apart 


we never get to
laugh anymore, i try to remember your perfect, sweet smile
your rosy blush, perfectly manicured nails
and your dark curls that fell softly on your delicate skin
our quilt is shoved in the back of my closet, stained with tears where I can’t remember 
the memories of our childhood, worn shirts pressed with happier times,
and the long lost scent of you 
i cry softly sometimes, when i think no one can hear
and it echoes into the night, far into the world
sounding like a broken music note 


we never will
gossip about cute boys again, the way one winked at you cheerfully, and you batted you eyelashes back 
there’s a half-empty tube of lipstick sitting on the white wood counter
waiting patiently for your return 
your prom dress is still sitting on our vanity chair
where you left it after fussing with your appearance 
The crystals used to glitter happily
but now they only give off a dull light as if they know too

you never got to 
 lightly blow out your birthday candles one last time, and squeeze your eyes 
and wish desperately 
for happier times, and laughter, cute dimples, and stories 
anything left of a perfect world
you got your wish, for now you never grow older, 
still the same age, still a golden childhood once more
forever in your own Neverland.