i peeled my orange today

"we all have our 'i peeled my orange today' stories."

bright letters fill my screen.

i'm pondering if i should message you,

or just let you be.

i give in;

and i message you like a little kid; yearning for their mother.

a simple "hi" was all i would do.

a little "how are you" would work fine too.

"hi, how are you?"

is what went through.

i didn't expect you to reply so fast,

and i then remembered your laugh.
 

"oh hi."

is what i read.
 

i felt a feeling of dread.

maybe it was a mistake yearning for a taste,

a taste of how things used to be.

but when all joy flushed from my face,

a reply lit up,

and i began the chase.
 

"i'm good, how are you?"

a simple "good" is what i should do.
 

"i'm good."

is what i went along to.

"we haven't talked since june aha."

i tried to lighten the mood.

"yeah."

is what you went to.

"thats when we swam in the lake."

you said.

i smiled.

but i still felt a tinge of dread.
 

i remember that day clearly,

a little too clearly.

we ate a banana split,

and swam in the lake,

and you threw up.

i held your hair up and patted your back until you were okay.

but things never will be the same.
 

"yeah and you threw up lol."

i never did know what to quite say.

"can you still not peel your oranges?"

you asked.

i laughed to myself,

in the darkness of my room,

the room that belonged to you too.

"no."

i replied.

"i get the juice all over my hands and never seem to dig my nails in the right amount."

i explained.

"why did you decide to message me? after all these years?"

was a sudden question.

i sat there,

dumbfounded.

i was stupid to message you.

message you after everything we had gone through.

but what can you do?

i'm like a kid yearning for their mother.

"i miss you."

"i miss you too, but sometimes you have to let go."

"but how can i do so? i miss you and our friendship."
 

"we can't redo what has already been done."
 

"i wish we could."
 

silence.

"goodbye, sometimes friendships do die. thats the truth."

you switched to offline.

my heart sunk.

i got too close to the ember,

it burnt me and soft hands.

it burnt us.

the messages replay in my head...

"we can't redo what has already been done."
 

i did mean that i wished we could.

and the very next day i peeled my orange the way a normal human should.

my first thought was to message you,

but when i did so,

my message was green and not blue.