I remember

I remember a time

When I felt so free

And everything, anything, I wanted could be.

The person next to me was everything

The worlds we created were ours.

Our vision was color and light and laughter

And impossible-yet-possible desires.

Oh, we laughed and we talked

We analyzed and schemed

We were thoughtful and kind and vibrant and free.

We made good on our promises

Created and wondered

We wrote stories and scripts and somehow never blundered.

Everything was great,

And now it's torn apart,

Because I never saw middle school

Forcing an arrow through my heart.

We loved and we lived and we played without shame.

Yes, this is the ballad of white lies and blame.

Our shiny futures

Precious like roses;

Our relationship

Perfectly imperfect.

Oh, I remember a time

Before all was broken

Before it was a fight

Before my life became turmoil.

I remember a time

Beyond middle school's dark clutches

Where we danced in the shadows

And played in the shallows.

The darkness hit sometime around 2022;

Fifth grade, so okay, I'd do what I had to do.

We started off fine

Iffy, snappy maybe

I'll never stop wishing

You hadn't betrayed me.

Out of balance from a summer apart,

I saw the wreck coming

I apologized every morning

Thought I was so cunning.

I was open and honest

I told you what I felt

You closed yourself off

Without you, I couldn't deal with the cards I'd been dealt.

You never said a word

Not beyond "I don't hate you".

I was jealous and hurt and frankly terrified.

Middle school broke it

The golden days, shattered

The darkness creeping in around the edges.

My world was ripped

Shredded

Destroyed

Because you weren't there

So I was paranoid.

I miss the days I remember 

Of light and of love

Of shimmery rainbow worlds

And pretty white doves.

And I miss when I could be me

And you could be you

And no one would question me

Threaten me

Homework and deadlines and drama and gah.

I'm not cut out for this.

You think you are.

I know I can't do this

And you're everyone's star.

So I guess I wrote this

To try to remember

Before all that was left 

Was a pile of embers.