I Wanted to Believe

I wanted to believe in the happy endings,

 but as life progressed, so did the sadness. 

The more time you live, the more cruelty you see.

 In this world of make believe, I wish you were with me. 

But monsters hide under covers,

 this personal hell for one. 

I wish I could save you, but baby I’m drowning myself.

 I hoped to see you smile, in a hell of my design.

 Please don’t mind the paint, it’s chipping from the skeletons. 

They filled up the closet,

So many bodies I’ve lost count.

They tear at my soul,

 And remind me every moment I should go.

The curtains are sun damaged, and rain sometimes  leaks,

but if you wanted it, I would fix it all for you. 

I’m just not what you seek.

I wish I could tell you the pain inside,

But the demons keep my secrets guarded, 

They hide in the cracks and crevices, staying out of sight, 

unless they want to take a bite.

No one comes around anymore,

The drains are clogged, congealed with red.

My covers are all tattered,

The ghosts don’t let me sleep,

They enjoy allowing me to suffer,

I never catch a wink. 

I gasp and cough from nightmares,

Telling me it’s my fault,

That the people around me hate me,

And I hardly talk.

I want to believe I’ll get better,

But the doctors aren't so sure.

I’d hope to make it to you,

Either way, I’ll see you  soon.