If I

if I lay here forever
never 
will i see the sun 
as it peaks shyly from behind the mountains
covering the land I call home with it's radiant light

if I lay here forever
maybe my pain will be dulled
and the profound silence of time
will lull me to sleep

but if I lay here forever 
letting the snow blanket the broken shards of my heart
in a clean white bandage
cold as ice
hiding what doesn't please peering eyes
I'll never see your face again 

if I run forever 
hiding from the things I don't like
never will I get over 
the fact that I'm different 
and that I can't change that 
I have to carry this burden 
though my shoulders are sore

if I fight forever
never 
giving in 
always saying no
and pushing away 
the people I cherish 
the love that I need
then it will be I 
that brings me to my feet

if I fly forever 
always up in my cloud
never coming down 
from the world I prefer
the world in my mind 
the world full of her
than it is my fault 
and nobody else
that my mind and my heart are broken like this

I am my own undoing
I brought this pain upon myself
I have reflected 
and I have dealt 
but now I need
to start over
rebirth my soul 
and find better shelter
it's time for me to get up 
and run just enough
fight to get unstuck 
fly to find love
and live 
live a life to be remembered
and find a dream to keep
so that maybe 
when I lay down to sleep
I'll get up in the morning
to keep on running 
and fighting
and flying
and loving
and living my life to it's fullest