If You Forget

no matter how hard i try
they call me pretty
and gift me things i will never wear
no matter how hard i try to forget
the faded, scratched up altoids tin
that reminds me of you
still sits on my desk
no matter what i do
all they see
is a kid
with a polite smile
and a voice that's never spoken
but the thing is
it's not me being silent
it's them being loud
so i'll paint that altoids tin orange
and hide all my annoyance inside of it
waiting for the sunshine to warm my face once again
with its rays of warmth 
and acceptance
the sun does not judge 
it only watches with loving eyes
and takes me as i say i am
as the faded marker on my wrist washes off with every dish i clean
and i slowly lose the memories of what i had
lost in what i want
as the soapy bubbles coat my arms
and the bruises on my shins yell at me for my own stupidity 
i smile
the sunlight dancing on my closed eyelids
if this is how i must live
so be it
it's not so bad really
if you forget
what needs not remembering.