Illusions

You Hurt me
When you look at me
When you talk to me
When you reach out to touch.
But you've never meant to, 
how could you know?
That the ease with which you do things
Scratches at me inside,
Like nails on a chalk board, slowly creeping down
in a reverberation too painful to digest. 
And I know it's not your fault, truly it must be me,
Because It is my shame that makes me soft spoken when I am aroound you,
It is that knowledge that you'll finally realize, that I'm not like you,
That school is harder for me than you know.
That everyday I get up worried that I won't be able to understand fast enough
Or prove myself well enough,
Around you I don't feel good enough.
And it eats at me inside because this is never what you intended
This is never how you wanted to make me feel.
Because you're lovely, and when I ask for help you help me,
But when I ask for help, I feel like I put a little crack in your illusion of me
Because I want you to see me how I wish I saw myself
As capable, intelligent, bright
Able to accomplish anything.

When I see you it hurts me because the things you see as easy
I see as hard
The things you see as simple
I see as complex
The confidence you project so easily
I can't seem to find.

But what hurts most of all 
Is that I'll never be strong enough
To tell you