inwardly.

the excitement 
that flows through my veins
coursing through every limb at the speed of light
until. ... .
it stops
and the fear 
that follows me like a shadow
wraps its tendrils of overthinking, and mild nausea around me
filling my stomach with a rather violent variety of butterflies
i think their more like praying mantises 
but i banish this thought to the dark abyss it originated from 
and let my joy spread like butter on warm toast
but yet again, it changes
and i am overcome with all the joy and graciousness for the life i have been blessed with 
and the waterworks turn on. 
damn hormones
forcing me through all these extremes 
making me take the rollercoaster version of life
when i just want to make it through a day 
without having an emotional breakdown inside
i may seem fine on the outside
but inwardly
i am a fluffing mess.