Let Me Speak

I listen to each word of my country,

Each act that fights to get rid of everyone I care for.

Each word that our government cleverly boasts

About how they belong to us.

But I didn’t get to choose,

Never did I say yes to watch the news,

A simple click of a metal button

That flashes vivid images into my eyes.

A blinding truth with seeping horror,

That others think is a decedent addition to 

U

S

Is there an A,

Or was "us"

Left hanging,

As the A broke away?

Wondering is the worst part.

The anticipation,

That with a simple click of bony fingers,

Boom

Wondering when I will have to see it in person

When I will watch my friends be dragged away

As everything I know implodes.

But alas,

It's the same old images

Fueled by one man who becomes a 

Preachers of opportunities

That limit the skies

And drag hell to meet up.

Why?

My sobs ask in between strangled gasps

For the air that one day

My friends can not breathe anymore too.

Everything mutes,

As the daggers located in my heart dig deeper.

Whispers…

Nothing soothing of sorts,

But plucks my nerves like strings

As they list those who I love like a clearance isle

At a grocery store, diseased and only good for tossing away;

Because their skin is dangerous,

Their hair is a choking hazard,

Their eyes full of manipulation,

Their tongues too much of a sponge,

For topics that children need to cover their ears for

(or otherwise known as equality)

But I see a red future full of each moment that leeches away hope.

For when will I lay my eyes on the sight

Of terror without flinching.

It seeps and crawls with doubt

Before lunging for my heart,

Through my throat they search

For something that already was broken.

I wait for the day that my friends will be gone

Banished away because of “our words”.

I never spoke,

Because I could never.

Assumption ruled my existence.

My sun-kissed hair,

Pale skin,

Light, ocean eyes that had become

An expanse of pain to me,

But a familiar ice to them.

Things that means I have the same thoughts

As those who find happiness in taking away others

But I never chose.

When will I see my friend’s hijab be taken away?

Just like her rights,

Her voice,

Her easy going nature,

Her bright personality.

I wonder when my friend will have to go back to Poland,

From the poverty she escaped with that lottery,

With that green card that showed her bright future.

She won’t get to go to her college.

To find herself in the animals she is focused on,

With those wide eyes of determination

Stripped of color as she will have to leave behind

The animals,

Her hope,

Luck,

Us,

US,

And at this point, the A is all together separate,

Floating far, far away.

And yes,

I keep thinking about my friends.

And why their warm, darker skin

And thick, black hair

Has become their signage.

One that stamps their journey

Where those around us

Want them to be flown far,

Far away.

Where they will be lost to the storm

Society created-No-

Society didn’t create it,

They are it.

Lastly,

What about my friend?

With her Turkish tongue,

But U.S. memories,

Who’s grandparent’s just moved

From too 

Far 

Away?

That’s what they say,

Too far.

That is her land,

Her culture,

Her face

That was rejected by those with power.

I never chose,

Though they say I did.

I watch my grandmother with her carefully held pen

That checks the box of a fate where my friends are gone

And she is left with her pale,

Southern friends.

A reality where she spews worshiping statements

That dance away from the throne's criminal charges.

My doe eyed friends can’t fight against the criminal.

To others they think they don't deserve a spot in our community.

The one that would collapse without them.

The one that I will be stuck in

While everyone else is flown away

In shackles,

In shame.

Shame that they never earned.

I would wear it for them,

I would tear the glued neon signage from their chests

And paint myself with their blood that seeps

Into my skin from the pieces of fabric.

I would fly anywhere if it means

They can laugh together

Even as I feel the needles piercing my chapped lips.

The stained thread pulling together the last

Moments I can say the grief I feel.

The throne won’t hear me

Even as I cry

Those tears of blood?

Even as I learn to find my lips

Singing tunes in our language–

A mesh of colors, combining our joys.

But not fast enough because as soon as I finally speak them,

Everyone will already be gone.

I learned it all,

But will I ever learn that 

Those sobs of mine that shake the Earth?

Are not enough,

Too small,

But too big for this society,

Too outlandish are my thoughts 

Where my friends will be gone and I am lost.

The glimmers of light becomes too much like stardust

And not shooting stars

Rising through the heavens.

But one day I’ll fly that plane,

I will board and turn it around.

But not before the journey. 

The journey I will take in this world and beyond.

In the heavens I'll sing a song you twisted

Out of my tongue and voice you dragged

From my throat,

But not out of my heart.