Love To Me

I used to think that love had to involve sacrifice, because of the role it played in my family while I was growing up. I still remember the slamming doors and the screams, with little me just wanting to escape from it all. I remember thinking, "should I run away?" I never did, but at times I wished I had. I can still recall what it was like for my mom; she would give up almost everything just to be with the person she supposedly "loved." So, I thought that's how it was going to be in life - if you wanted to be with someone, you had to give up everything for them to stay with you. If you didn't, you could forget about them wanting to stay with you. I used to think, "I'm never falling in love!" And, to be honest, I never did. There was no one that I truly loved like that, even if they were crushes.

I still wonder what it would have been like for my mom if she had done everything with the right man, not a person who was just trapping her in the end. I am still scared to love someone. I'm afraid that history will repeat itself, and I'll be stuck in an ever-lasting loop of wanting to be with someone but having to give up everything I want. Nights like this, I just wonder about the "what ifs" and my future. Love isn't for everyone, so maybe I'm just one of those people.