Maybe

Sitting down in this chair, I wonder where it all went wrong? Did I begin my downfall after I left public school for online, or did I begin my downfall when I realised I would never live up to my expectations? Maybe I've grown too lazy to fulfill the path I've laid out for myself, or maybe I've grown too tired to care anymore.

I wish I still cared. I wish I could put more care into my future. I wish I could put more care into my passions. Maybe I'm feeling too many emotions at once as I throw myself into the present.

Sometimes, I can feel it all--the exhaustion, the mental illnesses that have taken over my life, and the laziness that has grown onto me. The most leeching one, however, would be the illnesses that I harbour. Gods, what I would do to talk to someone who truly understands and doesn't give a head nod and smile, saying "I'm so sorry you have to go through all of that." Gods what I would do to talk to someone who doesn't seem condescending with their tone dripping in fake sympathy. 

Maybe I am lazy? Maybe I am depressed. Maybe I'm exhausted? Maybe...something?