Memories Make a Home

I laugh in the sun,
and everything 
seems to glow.

Then my smile fades,
suddenly
much too heavy,
and 
I'm paralyzed--

Reminders
all around me,
in glimpses of
people I think
I know,
that one familiar song
playing on the radio.

Reminders
surround me,
stifling,
making it 
hard to breathe.

Homesickness feels so 
heavy on my chest,
rolling over me
like the tide:

I'm building my own
castles here,
castles of sand,
castles of dreams,
castles
in the clouds,

but this sadness rises 
up the shore,
sweeping them
clear off the ground--

Am I unusally
sentimental?
Why do I grasp these 
memories,
Why can't I let them go, 
Why can't they
let me be--

Accepting is 
hard.
It feels
too hard
to bear.

so please,
don't misunderstand
my silence as 
sullen, abrasive--

I want to laugh,
I want to see you
smile.

Just let me
                   remember
how it was
for awhile--