mess

I’m angry, I’m furious, I’ll try to let it out by complaining,

by venting, by ranting, maybe to one, two, or even three people.

I’ll stuff the anger down, it will probably come out as tears when I’m alone.

It will boil against my skin, letting itself known to only me, the one it’s meant for.

It’s work I have to do, homework, I sit down to do it, or tell myself I will,

but I don’t, I used to just barely scrape by, just barley get an A, I’m a perfectionist after all, 

but now I’m slipping, staying up past three not to do work, but to avoid it.

Even now, I should be doing work, but I’m not, I’m venting, writing what comes to mind.

I’ve never done this before, just writing out my thoughts this way, when I’m angry or sad.

I’ve done it hours later in the diary I keep once in a blue moon,

This is kinda liberating, I still am angry at myself, I still want to tear myself apart, lucky not literally, not anymore.

This distracts me, takes the edge off, helps me let it go, I’m failing my classes, but maybe I can get my grades up, I’m going to go try.

This is a lie.