messy

life before
was a light purple
mildly gray 
with a splash of color and light
spread across everything 
in a cascade of normality 
and listlessness
a few speckles of other colors 
here and there 
life now
is dark gray
with loud obnoxious splats of neon orange
and a great swoop of all the colors
life now is haphazardly colored in
like a misshapen lump of clay i've learned to love
its more messy
and vibrant
and new
the days don't blend into each other anymore 
to create a smooth even surface
they are all different colors and shapes that try to hide behind each other
and dance when you remember them
life before was. . .simple, easy, sweet
life now. . . is stressful, busy, kind of umami and. . . full 
life now is much more interesting
it makes me look at what i have, and smile, because i am blessed to have a family 
even if they drive me insane
i have been gifted with comfort
even if sometimes i want more
and i am truly lucky have so many people i know care about me 
no matter how alone i feel.