Murder or Mistake?

Scene One

(Stage)

(Dr. Snowday sits in her chair, wrapping tape around her wrists.)

Dr. Snowday: Actors and Techie, start the show!

Leo: Hi, ladies and gents! (“trips” on his shoelace)

(Lights go out)

Dr. Snowday: Ow! Ow! I’m dying! Ow!

(Leo hurriedly turns the light on. Dr. Snowday is slumped in her chair with her hand over her heart.)

Dove: Dr. Snowday!

(ALL scream, except Dove.)

Jonah: I’ll check her pulse. (Checks pulse.) Dr. Snowday is dead.

(Lights go out again. Leo falls to the ground “dead.” Anna turns the light back on.)

Anna: Oh, Leo’s on the ground pretending to be dead.

(MEN scream.)

Dove: Pretending? That looks pretty real.

(Henry runs onstage)

Henry: (Unconvincingly) Yeah! It’s mostly definitely real! Most definitely! It’s very, very, real! Totally!

(Anna sighs. Lights go out. Leo gets up and he and Henry exit loudly. Leo bumps into everyone except Dove. Anna turns the light back on again.)

Anna: (Sarcastically) Oh, wow, Leo’s gone. How surprising.

Dove: The murderer must have dragged his body away!

Anna: I’m pretty sure he’s pranking you and simply went on a date. He mentioned he had one today, remember?

(ALL are too busy panicking to pay attention to what Anna’s saying.)

Jonah: My best friend and least favorite teacher are dead! Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Ted: Leo and Dr. Snowday have been murdered! Who could have done this dastardly deed?!

Dove: I’ll call the police.

(Dove dials 911.)

Cop: 911. What’s your emergency?

Dove: Our director, Dr. Snowday, and our classmate, Leo, have been murdered.

Cop: Where’s the body?

Dove: Dr. Snowday’s body is in her seat and Leo’s has disappeared.

Cop: Did you check their pulses?

Dove: Jonah checked Dr. Snowday’s but we didn’t have enough time to check Leo’s before it disappeared.

Cop: I’ll be there.

(Dove hangs up.)

Dove: He’s on his way.

Ted: Wait! I think I know who the villainous murderer is!

Dove: Who?

Ted: Anna! She’s new and totally sus!

Jonah: For once I agree with Ted.

Dove: What is it about Leo’s family that makes everyone think they’re killers?

Jonah & Ted: Wait, she’s related to Leo?!

Dove: Yeah, she’s his younger cousin. Leo literally talks about her all the time.

Jonah: I thought his cousin’s name was AnnaBanana, not Anna.

Dove: (Exasperated) That’s Leo’s nickname for her. And she looks just like him, too.

Jonah: Oh.

Ted: I can’t believe she killed her own cousin. What a wicked girl.

Dove: She didn’t.

Anna: Leo’s on a date. And Dr. Snowday probably had a heart attack. It’s quite common at her age.

Ted: Wait, maybe Jonah did it!

Jonah: Did you just accuse me of MURDER?!

(Jonah tackles Ted.)

(Cop arrives)

Cop: I’m here to solve the murder of Leo and Dr. Snowday!

Scene Two

(Interrogation Room. Dove and Cop.)

Cop: Where were you at the scene of the crime?

Dove: I was on stage, rehearsing.

 

Cop: Thank you. Who do you think committed the crime?

Dove: You mean, the murder? Oh, I’m like 90% sure it was Ted. He’s a real jerk and he was jealous of Leo for getting the lead.

Cop: Fine, whatever. You may go now.

(Dove sighs and exits.)

Scene Three

(Interrogation Room. Jonah and Cop.)

Cop: Where were you at the scene of the crime?

Jonah: Onstage, practicing.

Cop: Thank you. Who do you think committed the crime?

Jonah: Easy. Ted. He’s pure evil.

Cop: Thank you. You may go now.

(Jonah exits.)

Scene Four

(Interrogation Room. Ted and Cop.)

Cop: Where were you at the scene of the crime?

Ted: (Arrogantly) Rehearsing my lines, of course. I’m like the most important character in the play.

Cop: So, you were with everyone else?

Ted: Yes.

Cop: Great. Who do you think committed the crime?

Ted: Jonah or New Girl. Actually, they probably did it together. Jonah is pure evil, by the way.

Cop: Who is “New Girl?”

Todd: Oh, I don’t know her name. It’s like Ama or Ava or Ada or Acacia or Adeline or something.

Cop: Are you talking about Miss Anna?

Ted: Oh, yeah! That’s her name.

Cop: I heard you were jealous of Leo for getting the lead. Is this true?

Ted: (Snobbishly) Of course not. I’ve never been jealous in my life.

Cop: You may go now.

 

(Todd exits.)

Scene Five

(Interrogation Room. Anna and Cop.)

Cop: Where were you at the scene of the crime?

Anna: Backstage, figuring out the lighting.

Cop: (Relieved) Finally, something different! (Remembers Anna’s there.) I mean, thank you. Who do you think committed the crime?

Anna: No one. Leo’s not dead, he’s on a date and was just pranking everybody. And Dr. Snowday probably had a heart attack. It’s quite common at her age, plus when the lights came back on, she had her hand over her heart.

Cop: Interesting take. Can you tell me why you believe Leo is alive and on a date?

Anna: He’s my cousin and currently my family is living with his family while we find a new house. He bought a gallon jug of fake blood a week ago and said he was saving it for something special. And then earlier today, he said he was going on a date later. Plus, I’m pretty sure Henry, the lead techie, was the one who turned the lights off when Leo “died.” He was the closest to the light switch. Leo’s been crushing on him for ages, so it would make sense if they went on a date. And Leo walked really loudly when he left.

Cop: Thank you. You may go now.

(Anna exits.)

Scene Six

(Stage. Dove, Ted, and Jonah are sitting in chairs. Anna enters.)

Ted: There she is! The evil, wicked, cruel, dastardly murderer.

Jonah: Chill, Ted!

Anna: Leo’s not dead, he’s pranking you and Dr. Snowday probably had a heart attack.

(Dove tilts her head, thinking.)

Dove: Oh my gosh, you’re right! It all makes sense now! Leo was being really loud when he left. But… Dr. Snowday is alive.

(Dove rips the tape off Dr. Snowday’s wrist.)

Dr. Snowday: OW!

Jonah: My least favorite teacher is ALIVE! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Dr. Snowday glares at him.)

Jonah: (Quickly, panicked) I mean, YAY!

Ted: HA! I knew it! I told you guys she was alive!

(Everyone stares at him.)

Anna: Liar.

Ted: Says Leo’s murderer!

Dove and Anna: LEO’S FINE!

Jonah: Yeah! What they said!

(Ted tackles Jonah.)

Dr. Snowday: ENOUGH!

(Ted and Jonah freeze and untangle themselves.)

Dr. Snowday: I will speak to the cop and tell him not to press charges.

(Cop runs in.)

Cop: I have figured out the murderer, it’s- wait, the teacher is alive?

Dr. Snowday: Yes, Leo and I were playing a prank on the cast with Henry’s help. We did not expect them to call the police. (Winks at Anna, Jonah, Dove, and Ted.) Sorry for wasting your time.

Cop: How dare you! Don’t you know how many crimes happen every day?! You’re so irresponsible! I will see you fired immediately!

(Leo runs in.)

Leo: Wait! It was my fault! It was my idea! If anyone should be punished, it should be me, not Dr. Snowday.

Jonah: (Whispering) Dude, what are you doing? We hate Dr. Snowday.

Leo: (Whispers back) Yeah, but if she’s fired the Drama Program might be shut down.

Jonah: Oooooooh.

Cop: Son, you have your whole life ahead of you. Do you really want me to get you expelled? Because that’s what’s likely to happen.

Leo: Do what you must.

Henry: No, stop! Leo’s just covering for me! It was all my idea!

(Anna’s eyes light up with an idea.)

Anna: Actually, it was my idea. I thought it would be funny if Leo and Dr. Snowday played a prank on everyone.

(Dove gets the idea.)

Dove: What are you talking about, Anna? I thought of it. Leo said he had a date he really wanted to go to but couldn’t unless he could find a way to get out of rehearsal so I suggested this.

(Dove elbows Jonah. Jonah just stands there. Dove steps on his foot.)

Jonah: OW! I mean, it was mine! Not hers! Leo told me that! And I had the idea! And then I told her that Leo told me that!

(They all look at Ted.)

Ted: (Smirking) I’m not sacrificing myself for any of you.

Cop: Well, I can’t really condemn any of you since you’re all taking the blame… so I suppose I’ll just let you all off with a warning.

(Cop exits. ALL except Cop and Ted hold their breath for a second, then cheer.)

All (Except Cop and Ted): YAY!

(The cheering dies down. Anna slaps Leo lightly.)

Leo: (Rubbing his arm) Ow! What was that for?

Anna: Not telling me about this prank of yours. I could’ve told you it was a terrible idea.

Leo: (Sheepishly) Yeah, I’ll do that next time.

Dove: Anna knew the whole time, by the way. You’re terrible at tricking her.

Leo: (Hopefully) Or maybe Anna Banana is just a good detective!

Anna: No, it was just painfully obvious.

Dove: Yeah, the only reason I didn’t immediately realize was because Dr. Snowday is good at acting.

Jonah: She’s really not.

Dove: You believed it.

Jonah: She had no pulse! (Turns to Dr. Snowday.) How did you manage that?

Dr. Snowday: I wrapped tape around my wrists.

Jonah: Oooh. That’s why the tape was there. I didn’t get it. It was so weird.

Dove: (Affectionately) You’re an idiot.

Jonah: Hey!

Dr. Snowday: Okay, let’s continue rehearsal now! Places, everyone!

(Anna goes backstage. Ted follows her.)

Ted: (Arrogantly) Hey, Anna!

Anna: What do you want, Ted?

Ted: I know you have a crush on me.

Anna: (Disgusted) What are you talking about?!

Ted: Let me finish. I hate to break it to you, but I’m not interested. There’s only one girl for me. (Points to Dove.)

Anna: Great, ‘cause I’m not interested in you either. (Starts to go but turns around.) And I’m gonna tell Jonah and Leo what you just said!

(Jonah and Leo tackle Ted.)

The End