My Coming Out Story

Growing up when I was younger, I was raised in a very homophobic, transphobic family. I was taught that being anywhere on the LGBTQ spectrum was evil and would send you to hell. These beliefs were largely due to our religion at the time (although I freely acknowledge that not all, or even most, religions are like this, and this is in no way meant to insult or disrespect any religion that you may worship), and the way my parents were raised.

Fast forward some years, and my dad’s sibling comes out as polyamorous, nonbinary, and on the gay spectrum, and they changed their name. My parents were a bit taken aback, but were supportive nonetheless. I was shocked by this, and began to doubt the things I had learned as a young child, because my dad’s sibling is one of my favorite people, and there was no way they could be evil.

I didn’t truly begin questioning my gender or sexuality until, some years later, my sibling came out as bigender and bisexual. When she told us, I had the thought of, “I want that.” That’s when my journey toward coming out truly began.

I started questioning who I was as a person. For a while before my sister came out, every time I looked in a mirror, I would feel uncomfortable. I HATED how I looked. Then, once my sister came out, I thought, “Maybe that’s what I want? Maybe I just want to be a little more masculine?” This idea freaked me out, and I surprised these thoughts and feelings, forcing myself to wear lots of pink, glittery, girly clothes. But every night, I would stand in front of a mirror with tears streaming down my face, hating who I was and how I looked.

I felt like I was in the wrong body. Like I would never be happy being a girl. But because of the way I was raised, I firmly believed that if I was transgender or nonbinary, I would burn in hell forever.

Eventually, I had a breakdown. It was the middle of the night, I was up with my sibling (the bisexual & bigender one), and I just started crying. When she asked what was wrong, I told her everything. I said I could never be happy being a girl, I told her that I was agnostic (meaning I don’t know if there is or isn’t a god), and that I hated she/her pronouns, and that I was so confused about life. That night involved a lot of tears from both of us.

The funny thing is, I never officially came out to my parents. They just happened to be in the kitchen while my sister and I were talking. 😅

The next morning, I sat everyone down and said, “I want to use they/them pronouns. I hate she/her, and it doesn’t fit me at all.” They were all super accepting and supportive.

And while my family was chill with it, a lot of families aren’t.

Don’t ever feel pressured to come out of the closet, especially if it’s not safe for you. The question is never, “when should I come out?” It’s always, “is it safe to come out?”

And always know that you are loved for and cared about. Family isn’t about blood, it’s about love. <3