My Impulsive Attempt At Explaining My Feelings in Spaces

i sit

eyes down

body tense

mind racing

the silence so loud it's deafening. 

my dad stands in front of me 

his anger so visible 

its almost as if its coming off him in  w  a   v     e       s

he’s silent

i wait.

wait.

wait.

wait.

i feel like i’ve been waiting forever

and then the

y

       e

              l

                     l

                            i

                                   n

                                          g

                                                starts

a sound i’ve become so accustomed to in the latest years of my teen life

i don’t register the words anymore

i know them by heart.

i’ve forgotten something

again. 

i'm not sure what

could be the dishes 

or maybe i forgot to lock the door

either way it doesn't matter 

i’m still going to be hit with the same words

telling me the same thing i've heard so many times before.

and i’m not saying that this in anyway isn’t my fault

i know it is

but still it hurts

each insult

each diminishing comment

each reason why 

i

need 

to

grow 

up

i’ve heard it all before.

maybe that's why it always hurts so much

i’ve been cut in the same places

so 

many 

times.