Not ready to say goodbye

The day I found out I might lose you,
I felt my heart stop, and my skin go cold like ice,
The invisible monster that lived inside of you laughed at me,
Enjoying, as it watched my heartbreak 
The days we spent together by the stove,
Chocolate smeared faces, and sticky hands,
Are now long gone.

Happy memories intertwined pangs of sadness,
That hurt more each time I see you fall, or the way you limp with your cane 
Exhaustion evident in your face, as you make your effort to be the person you used to be.

The nights I spent waiting by the phone, waiting to hear if everything was alright
The long minutes I spent waiting at my mother's door, listening to the muffled sobs,
Unsure if your time was running short.

Nights I spent awake and restless,
Knowing that I wasn't ready to say goodbye.