I just made the biggest mistake of my life ... To get straight to the point, my dad, who I won't name for other reasons, was this renowned thief of the century. Stole a bunch of things, from ancient statues (he has a weird obsession with statues…) to billion-dollar rings right under the city's noses. Never got caught in the action or after. Many tried to copy him, or have even claimed his identity in the name of being famous. Which is stupid because why would you want to out yourself as a world-class thief to the world?
Another thing, no one ever saw what he looked like. Even I don't know what he looks like, which honestly is really strange when you think about it. It wasn't like he was a deadbeat father or anything, he was definitely in my life, just like a lingering ghost. We lived in the same house, too, which made everything even stranger. So I assume you might ask, How have you never seen your father if you lived in the same house as him all these years?
My answer is: I don't know!
He was around, leaving the strangest notes in the strangest places, such as,
Have you seen the red tie? Your mother washed it yesterday but it's not in the drawer.
Happy birthday, I bought you some cake, it's in the fridge knock yourself out ;)
You know, very normal father-son conversations.
Of course, he stole for good reasons. Most of the stuff he stole was not owned by the people he stole them from. Basically, he’s stealing from stealers. Like Robin Hood, except he did anonymously sell some old vintage jewelry from time to time. Growing up, I heard all the heist stories over and over again. It got me inspired, maybe not-so-positively influenced. So naturally I decided, Hey wouldn't it be a great idea to pull off a heist at the most guarded museum in the world?
Spoiler Alert: It was in fact not a good idea.
“Now now, I don't wanna hear that negative attitude, look on the bright side! We got hella gains!”
I groaned, slightly cringing at the sound of the voice next to me.
Naturally, I stupidly decided to bring my friend Zachary along, someone who I couldn't trust to steal candy from a baby. I'm not sure why I did so, other than the fact I needed someone to be on the lookout while I slid down by rope right into the laser-tight room, filled with treasures that were definitely worth far more than my life. He had pleaded to come down with me, telling me how great of an experience it would be for him and how we could be partners in crime or whatever. I said no because he needed to pull me up. Because that's how these things usually work, one person gets the stuff, and the other is the transportation and lookout. He came down anyway. So now we were both stuck and our only planned way of escaping was no longer an option.
To make things even worse, Zachy had accidentally touched one of the lasers, setting off the alarms, and alerting every single guard within a square mile radius. All because he had moved to his left instead of right, bumping straight into a statue that slipped off its podium and broke into a bazillion pieces.
“Yay, we’re gonna die! Wooo!” I weakly replied, if I was going to get arrested by guards and publicly shamed for the rest of my life, at least I should do it with a smile, right?
“That sounded sarcastic, dude. Not cool”
“How about we find a way to get out of here so we like don't get, publicly executed? That sounds like a great idea.”
I ignored the very obvious eye-roll he gave me.
My eyes flickered between the blinding red lights that swirled above us and at the duffel bag we had brought down, stuffed with so much stuff it was practically overflowing, I looked around the red-lit room. There was no other way for us unless we went through the front main doors of the room, which was currently occupied by guards trying to get in.
Luckily, the door was barred with a piece of wood that Zachary had carried along, so we had the time to formulate a plan (What plan could you possibly come up with at this point...).
Unluckily, Zachary brought it, it’s a piece of mere wood against metal doors, meaning it's not going to last for very long.
I swallowed the building bile forming in my mouth and turned to Zachary, who was still trying to fit into the bag what looked like some weird metal spiky bra(?). He slowly turned to me, with an embarrassed grin spreading across his face before hastily tossing it across the floor.
“We probably don't need that..” his voice trailed off.
It was up to me to think, once again. Thoughts swarmed through my head until I realized we would have to do the very thing I had hoped we wouldn't have to do.
“Look for the dangerous object you can use, and be quick, we don't have time” I stated.
“Why? What are we going to do?”
The barred wood began to split as it squeaked and groaned against the forces outside. My eyes landed on an old book with sharp corners. A heavy book can do a lot of damage if you use it right, in this case at least.
“We are gonna fight our way through the guards”
“Are you crazy?! We couldn't fight against Xena and her weird martial arts magic she does, and she's BLIND.” Zachary spluttered, shakily picking up the spiky bra.
The wood gave in and fell on the floor with a snap. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my head.
“What can I say?” I strapped, the bag onto my back and pulled down my mask, urging Zachary to do the same.
The doors opened as guards flooded into the room, surrounding us with batons.
“I always look on the bright side,” I yelled before swinging the old book at the nearest guard.