Opinion: I hate CommonApp.

I am by no means exceptional. 

It’s honestly incredible how hard I work to be mediocre. How much effort I put into being average. 

And all my effort, thousands of hours of work- blood, sweat, tears and experiences and internships, are summed up into one, hellish website. 

With a 650 word count. What can I even achieve in 650 words? And yes, I’m ranting to a website where the only person who bothers to read this is forced to. (hi, proctors and whatever admin is dealing with this.) 

My desk is covered in notes and I’ve filled yet another pocketbook with ideas and quotes. I’ve written four practice essays, and I hate them all. There is not a snowball’s chance in hell that I could possibly contain the essence of my life and experiences into 650 words. 

I’ve been to twelve countries, taken a chaotic horse up through the levels, written over 200,000 words of fanfiction, and have worked myself to the bone for way longer than I should’ve. My AP tests had essays written about fan fictions with literary merit and math tricks my dad taught me. 

“Try Euler’s identity, it’s a good starting point.” He had said since I was a kid. “e^iπ=-1,” and I wrote essays on what the hell it actually meant. I’m a teacher and a student, an author and a reader, a dreamer and a critic, and so much more. And I’m supposed to sum it all up in a pretty little bow in 650 words. 

I was on my feet for 18+ hour days for two years straight and outworked anything with a pulse. I made Quizlets for all my classmates, took extra shifts and every project horse I could get my grubby little hands on. I listened to textbooks and took notes on the walls while I showered and drove and rode. 

I was up at 4 for a shift that ended at 7:30 and at school from then till 12:30, out to the barn till 3, and back to work till 7:30. Sleep came in the little hours of the morning once I was caught up on homework and housework, when I was exhausted to the point of nausea, dizziness and hallucinations. 

Not fun. 0/10 would not recommend. 

And I managed that for 2 years straight. Good luck getting me to crash out in whatever little college program you have, theres no trigonometry and no Spanish listening tests. I can do anything- except trig, with a straight face, thank you very much.

I built an insane system to keep my life together, to maximize every possible second, and I’m supposed to make a computer with a million little questions about where my parents went to school understand that. 

How am I supposed to make a computer program and the AI admitting me that my mother, with an MD, and two PhDs is insane and has made my tiny, short life, a living hell in one breath, and a dream in the next? How do I explain that I live knowing it could all be taken in a breath, knowing there is no one to save me, and there’s no one who cares how hard I work? How do I explain my brilliant dad is a coward and a pushover, that my brother has no drive or excrement for anything and is somehow better than me?

HOW do I do that in 650 words? That’s basically a text message or a really lazy summary paragraph. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyways thats all, i hate commonapp and ill figure it out eventually. thanks for reading (or not) my dramatic self pitying rant ok bye have a great day