My therapist told me not to punch waves
I think it was supposed to be a metaphor
I don't punch waves
I throw myself into them
Relentlessly
Until I can't feel the pain
And the stars have fallen and cut my skin to crystal
And the ocean has splashed salt over all my wounds
And the sand cuts my feet until I bleed with raw emotion
Until I am indestructible
Like I guess I'm supposed to be
This world wasn't made for me
For people like me
I guess I have to be invincible
To survive here
Tangled like I don't know
Feverish like what was and I can't tell the difference
Delirious like I'm so tired
So tired
Of punching waves
And I say
I want to go home
When I am home
It's like thunder in my chest
Will I ever belong?
Where is home?
I guess home was at ADL in that low-ceilinged band room
For the two best days of my life
But I guess then I'll never have home again
Will I die trying or give up?
What's left of me isn't here
It's far away unreachable
Because I'm out punching waves at midnight
Fighting the inevitable
I guess that's who I am
Sorry, therapist
I never could change
I'm just so tired
Of punching waves
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