rainyday

broken
fallen apart
and scattered across the ugly green carpet
tears that form a lake of desperation underneath the surface of robotic bluntness
farther i fall 
beneath the waves of insanity
i coat every surface i can find in color
but it's never enough 
for when my tired eyelids close
im still drowning in that lake
and as the terrors of my nightmares
wrap their fingers of hopelessness and self hatred 
for what i have not said
i struggle
i collapse
i give in to the lack of oxygen 
and i learn to live without it
i pick myself up 
and embrace my fears as tightly as i would the girl i love
i hold on dearly to what makes me human 
i cling firmly to the emotions that feel so out of proportion with the rest of me
and revel in my newfound freedom
even though i feel tired
and empty
and broken
i will be ever more grateful 
for when i am happy 
and whole
and i will learn to appreciate that ugly green carpet
for id rather have too much
that not enough
as the foggy sunlight
peeks through the overcast sky 
and illuminates where i need to go
i let the rain kiss my face 
and smile
as my tears mingle with those of the heaven's 
i will be ok
and with every challenge to my sanity
with every hurdle i have to jump
i will grow stronger
and kinder
and i will learn to smile again.