Remarkable

I don't know you

I want to

but not yet.

I know you are more useful to me as a faraway rival

of extraordinary difficulty

than as a friend right now

I also know I won't have a choice next year.

I can feel you creeping around the edges of my life

as I fall far into this world

you've been here

you'll be here next year

and I'm sure we'll be friends.

You were at the play

interested in the pit orchestra

me too.

You were at Districts last year

me too.

You're in VYOA

me too.

The director of the pit orchestra

talked to you

I was right there.

Looking into the pit.

Dreaming because I'm not my best right now

but I will be

I can be

practice harder

work harder.

I overheard

"I've heard your playing before

it's

remarkable"

remarkable

remarkable

remarkable

I haven't forgotten it's been days

remarkable

burning in my skin

a hot poker of expectation

it matters what musicians think of you when you're so

here in this field

and

you won the respect of a high school director

IN EIGHTH GRADE.

Meanwhile I'm invisible

you don't remember me

when you see me

no one's heard me

I'm famous in this town and nowhere else.

How could I ever compete

with Mr. Remarkable?

You play at your church

in your town band

you are everywhere and so people hear you

people want you

I want people to want me

outside of the middle school band that can't let go of me

because without me they crumble

dependent

at least in my section.

I thought I was the independent variable

I'd throw my life away for this

you already have.

I 

can't

win

this.

Remarkable.

I know I'm good.

Good enough to audition for festivals and make it in.

I am confident in my band room but

in orchestra

with people older than me

I will be in high school next year

it is gone.

I hide.

I need to be the best

if I'm not the best I work at it

I practice so hard

I need this

if I'm not the best

I will spend my life next to you

chasing you

while people chase you too

important people to us

to no one else.

I will spend my life in second or third or fourth place

next to remarkable

I've become cocky in my playing because

here it's so easy.

You're playing all the hardest.

I don't know you

remarkable

I'm just waiting

remarkable

for the day when

remarkable

I'll sit next to you everywhere in everything

remarkable

and you'll dazzle them

remarkable

and I will be an unremarkable shadow.

Remarkable

remarkable

remarkable.