Smiling into my pillow

How lucky am I?

To feel loved?

In a household and a family and a school that makes me feel not worth it

not good enough 

and I found someone outside of it all who loves me?

And despite all the hate and all the tears and all the fallen ashes

and the darkness sweeping around and how it always comes back

and I can't run from what's inside of me

and then I don't have to worry.

There's a reason I look forward to Sundays

because I don't have to be stressed

I can just be me

just relax

when it feels like my biggest problem is should I lean closer?

And when I do?

To feel held?

I've been held before but not like that.

Not like security

warmth

I felt safe in a world that's out to get me

I've always been sunshine but I like being yours.

Daggers in my back

broken bones

eyes empty of feeling no more tears left because this is my hell and no one else's

but my heart is glowing.