Steps

Wake up later than you need to, earlier than you want to and happier than you deserve to.

2) Take a shower. Look at your big little body in the mirror before you get in. 
Look at who you are without the clothes. When you take away your right to pretend, this is what you look like

3) Don’t use shampoo. Just use enough soap to dissolve yourself, then let yourself slide down the drain.

4) Go to school. Forget to talk.  Get assigned homework. Eat your lunch. Pay attention. At the very end of the day, go outside and look into the greenhouse. 

Then remember that it is winter.

5) Get home. Smile at mom. Pet the dog. Eat something. 
Whatever you do, don’t do your homework.
Instead, fill your head up with whatever garbage you can find on the internet. The blue light feels good: like a cross between a human hug and a flu shot.

6) Let it get late. The darker it is the more attention you can give to your phone. 
Remember: if your eyes don’t burn you aren’t tired enough.

Remember: your eyes used to burn in the sunlight instead.

7) Let your phone die. Then, in the delirious black, pretend you see little seeds floating off your body. They are old parts of you that you never use anymore. They will find soil somewhere. But somewhere far, far away from you.

8) Fall asleep later than you want to, later than you deserve to, but right when you need to.