there was a girl

her name began with a d and her hair curled in gold ringlets like coins

and her laugh was infectious and her smile was too

and her eyes sparkled when they caught the light. she walked

through our third grade class door and i fell in love.

we were best friends forever for two years,

baking banana bread running in sprinklers going to

day camps together sledding down hills of ice playing in blanket forts

watching movies with popcorn we made

memories and bonds and a friendship

i thought couldn't possibly end. she made me feel

so good with that smile, so perfect. i told her she could be an actress

one day, and i didn't realize at the time, 

but she already was. she acted

her way out of situations she didn't want to be in, acted

kind when she wasn't being it, faked

that winning smile as my friend cried in front of us,

sobbing because of what this girl told me to say. her name

began with a d and i held on as long as i could 

until it soured like milk in my mouth and i 

let go of her but not of the way she made me feel.

i hear her sometimes when i stand at the mirror,

hear that voice i once thought was so pretty. wow,

you're beautiful, she says, like an apology,

but she moved away six months ago and i finally stopped listening.

she has no more weight with me,

nothing enough to keep

anything more than her smile, and that's the only thing i miss.