Time passes, and with it so do I

I stayed up until midnight with my brother

in that horrible hotel room in North Carolina.

(I say horrible because I hate going down south

hate the Trump bobblehead in my nonny and poppy's house

hate the palm trees and the twenty-hour-long drive and the being away 

from my life.)

We didn't fight, this time.

We laughed and joked.

We watched artist after artist, waiting with anticipation for AJR

on Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve Party 2026.

They played after midnight.

After the time when we had to shut the TV off

but it was okay.

We saw Post Malone and Diana Ross and Chappell Roan

and everything was okay.

When the countdown to the ball drop began

Ryan Seacrest said 

"Find somebody you love!"

I had a whole hotel room of people I'm supposed to love

but never been particularly close to

never used them for anything other than a vessel for the rest of my life.

He's in Vermont, I felt like yelling at Ryan, at everybody on that show

with their husbands and spouses and boyfriends and partners.

I want to go back to Vermont.

I had a really good day yesterday with my cousins but I

hate 

it

here

I want to go home.

He's back home.

I just touched my bracelet and watched the ball drop and 

I wanted to stop time

I wanted to go back to Vermont and laugh and cry and scream

at the world

and stop 2026 from coming

the year I've awaited so eagerly after incorrectly dating my papers

_/_/26

for months

because 2025 was the start of a real relationship

and it was orchestra

and my two best friends and all the others

and ssaboon and triangle hits and Quinnjamin and concerts galore

and a goodbye 

a Big Goodbye

and I'm scared to let time pass

I wanted to stop the ball dr0p and

stop

midnight

from coming

stay here forever

not because I loved 2025 all that much

because I hate change

and who knows what 2026 will bring?

I'm scared.

Time passes...

and with it

so do I.