Twisted

I don't know

what's going on.

I am stressed

not consciously

but nevertheless...

I had a dream

they were all fighting

some sort of twisted combination

my school life

orchestra life

fears...

My not-really-friend from rehearsal

I was dating her for some reason?

Strange

and before that I was at a pool

and I wore a swimsuit he didn't like

and his dad said we were too close

(emotionally)

and people's parents influence them

and I know that.

And before that 

we were all drama-fighting

and I had to separate them

and physically

fight

my friend

how horrible is that?

And I viewed it as okay.

And before that 

we were at a field hockey away game

and I had forgotten my stick

and I almost fell down an icy slide

it was by the field.

And it was all connected somehow,

because it circulated back to the band room -

this crazy vivid

twisted

layered 

dream,

and I was in the high school jazz band

except it was at my middle school

and our star saxophonist was there

and I talked to the not-really-friend by the cubbies

and she broke up with me

at the same time that he did

because of his dad

and we were dismissed

to get on the bus and go home

and I high fived a clarinetist

and that was that

and I was miserable

no one wants me

was a reoccurring theme

feeling unstable

unsuccessful

in all of my relationships.

What's going on?

I'm confused...