was there before?

it's hard to remember when/ 

when the throat begins to scratch at the mouth, begging to be let free

when the stomach begins its churning waves like an upset ocean god

when the limbs begin to shake and the body's personal earthquake begins/

it's hard to remember when everything was painless/ 

when breathing did not take the strength of a thousand suns

and when swallowing did not take the glass caught in your teeth down with it

when the ache in your head transcends the walls of your skull and pounds its way down your spine, breaking whatever it chooses/

it is hard to remember when everything is ugly and nothing doesn't hurt when the world existed in any other way