What Do I Think

I want to live life without flaws.  

More specifically, I want to live life without any regrets. 

When I was five, I used to look up to my sister. 

I still do. 

I thought she was flawless. 

I thought she was tall, smart, athletic, and pretty. 

I thought she was the best. 

I still do. 

I wanted to be just like her. 

I thought I could be just like her. 

But I'm not. 

I'm in eighth grade now. 

That's around the same age my sister was when I started looking up to her. 

"Tall and perfect," I used to think. 

I'm not tall and perfect. 

I wonder if my sister ever thought that. 

My doctor says, "You're just below the average height, but you'll grow."

I don't think I have. 

And, I know that doesn't matter, but tall and perfect isn't tall and perfect without the tall. 

When I entered sixth grade, I joined the school's choir. 

I saw all these eighth-grade girls. 

"They all look tall and perfect, I wish I could be just like them." 

"If I were them, I'd be proud of me." 

I'm in eighth grade now. 

I don't know if my sixth-grade self would be proud of me. 

Would she applaud my failures and mistakes and look at them as learning experiences? 

Or would she look at my small successes as mediocre? 

All I know is that when I entered middle school, I was worried. 

I was worried about what people would think. 

I was worried that people would think that I wasn't enough. 

I came to middle school without any friends. 

I have friends now, but I don't know what they think of me. 

I think they like me. 

I hope they like me. 

I know I can be myself around them, I can act crazy. 
I can sing at the top of my lungs, and they won't laugh at me, they'll sing with me. 

But I'm still worried that's too crazy. 

I haven't found the version of me, that makes me happy.

I keep asking myself, "Would I be proud of me?"

Time really flies, it seems just yesterday I was staring in awe at the eighth-grade girls. 

Next August, I'll be in high school. 

There's a saying my basketball coach used to say, "I don't care if you won or lost the game, as long as you feel you've left every ounce of your body on the court, I'm happy."

 I want to live life like that.

 I want to live with no regrets. 

I don't want to lose track of time, I just want to say, "I accomplished something, I gave it my all, and I'm proud of who I've become."