What if?

What if I never find it?

What if all of this is for nothing?

I've been hurt by caring before.

It's easier not to...but it's been a freedom for me.

I don't want to give that up.

I want to take the next step.

 

What if I never find it, though?

What then?

What if I've been chasing

The future that can't be?

What if I'm not good enough?

 

I push it down

These intrusive thoughts

Because I know

I wouldn't have discovered this magic

This real-life magic

If I wasn't enough.

But it doesn't matter what I think...

What if I'm not good enough for them?

What if they don't see the best of me?

What if they don't see what it means to me?

 

What if this isn't meant to be?

What if

What if

What if?

I'm searching for what I got a taste of

A few months ago.

Searching, desiring, this 

Impossible thing.

What if?

QueenBee

VT

13 years old

More by QueenBee

  • Summer camp

    Nostalgia

    I love this place

    This camp

    Third year

    With my cousin best friend

    And...it feels like school

    There are people from school

    Which

    Even if I like them

    Makes me tense up

  • I dreamt that

    I

    t o r e

    all the flowers down and

    p u n c h e d

    the waves until they 

    s h a t t e r e d

    like icy glass and I

    c h a s e d

    the grassy road till its end

    s t o m p i n g

  • Ticket

    "Having a career isn't all that there is in life."

    You think I don't know that?

    I know it isn't.

    But I also know

    That this is my ticket into the real world

    And I'm not going to blow it

    For silly parties