What if?

What if I never find it?

What if all of this is for nothing?

I've been hurt by caring before.

It's easier not to...but it's been a freedom for me.

I don't want to give that up.

I want to take the next step.

What if I never find it, though?

What then?

What if I've been chasing

The future that can't be?

What if I'm not good enough?

I push it down

These intrusive thoughts

Because I know

I wouldn't have discovered this magic

This real-life magic

If I wasn't enough.

But it doesn't matter what I think...

What if I'm not good enough for them?

What if they don't see the best of me?

What if they don't see what it means to me?

What if this isn't meant to be?

What if

What if

What if?

I'm searching for what I got a taste of

A few months ago.

Searching, desiring, this 

Impossible thing.

What if?