When

When I find

That maybe I don't love it anymore -

When I lost the spark

When I realized

I don't really care

If I make it,

Or don't -

It scares me.

I wander around at practice,

No true goal on my mind -

Avoiding, even

What I thought I loved

But don't.

I don't like it

When I'm not good at something

And I don't feel like I am,

Anymore.

I walk around

In between each event,

In an in between

Of not caring.

I don't care.

Sure, I'll chuck a javelin.

Run a two hundred.

I'll do 

Whatever.

I don't feel it anymore.

I don't

Want to do it.

But I feel

Lost

Anyway.

Why?

Why have I suddenly

Lost my event?

I didn't have it this season

At all.

Nothing.
I want to be passionate

Excited

But by chasing something else beyond this

I have given the rest of my life up.

Anything that is not

Inside jokes in a practice room

His hand in mine

Or making music

I forget to care about.

I forget

Who I am

By pursuing this.

And so I ask myself,

Is this me?

Am I really sacrificing

Everything

For one thing

Or maybe two?

Am I really willing to feel lost all the time

In every environment

Except for what I know

Is where I truly belong?

It's almost like

I'm too young to know what I want

And so my life is designed to make me do everything

Because that is what society does with kids

Because maybe we aren't supposed to have our lives planned yet

And so why not try a little of everything?

But what if I want to dedicate my life to this?

What if

I don't want to wait

And waste my time on things

I don't have the passion for anymore?