Who am I?

Sometimes I think

Of what my life would be without this

Without the conductor who changed my life

Without my duet partner who taught me how to perform

Without my instrument

Without the music

Without the song in my chest

The song that's trapped

But I will be able to free it

By playing everyone else's stories

And discovering my own

In time

When it comes to this,

I can have patience.

Who am I,

Without this?

Who am I without all this?

I wonder.

I wonder what makes me me

If I don't have this.

If I lived in a world without it.

And then I realize what everyone else is saying,

Not knowing who they are

Who they want to be

What they want to do with their life

Not knowing is scary

But I haven't not known,

Haven't ever had to panic,

Not really,

Because by the time I was old enough to

I had found myself

Latched onto it so securely

Because it's who I am.

And I know that,

In every part of me.

I can feel it.

But sometimes still

I ask myself

Who am I?

Who am I without this?

I would be lonely and broken

I would be

Not

Me

Not

This girl

I would be

Haven't found myself yet

Faceless

Nameless

I would be invisible

Because the one thing that shines light

Onto every edge of my person

Every smile, every fight

Every love and every loss

The one validation

That's me.

Who am I?

Who would I be

If I didn't have this?

QueenBee

VT

13 years old

More by QueenBee

  • Glimpses

    Noise

    Warming up

    Keys

    Fingerings

    Chatter

    Laughter

    The chorale

    Stopping

    Starting

    "Again"

    "I know you can do better than that"

    Serious but

    You also love it

  • Cornered

    Cornered

    I put my hands up

    Like you taught me

    Only now

    You're the one attacking

    "Helping" because

    You "just want me to feel better"

    And I braced for impact

  • Distracted and angry

    I'm distracted.

    Why did I let myself become so reliant

    Dependent

    So stupid

    Ugh I'm so mad.

    So mad.

    I let myself become distracted by silly things I could want

    I let myself want them