words left unsaid

i love you.
i swear i do.
i will always love you,
no matter what.
but i don't love you
in the way that you want me to.
i don't love you
in the way that you love me. 

i can't tell you.
i want to,
because you need to know,
but i can't tell you.
it will break you. 
i don't want to break you.

your life is hell right now.
you've told me that
time and time again.
so is mine.
but you've also told me
that i am the only one who
makes your life better.
that i am the only one
who is holding you together.
keeping you sane.
keeping you okay.

you lie too much.
you always say that
"you're fine."
i know you too well.
you know, i saw a quote somewhere on YouTube
at 3 in the morning that said
"the same girl who 
laughs and talks nonstop is 
also the same girl who
cries herself to sleep every night."
that's you.

i love you.
if only you could see that.
if only you could believe that
when i say it.

but i don't love you
in the way you want me to.

i'm sorry.

<3