you're on your own, kid

i always have been, ever since the label of

"gifted" was mantled above my head in neon letters, 

proudly displaying me to a world where

mediocrity was rejected &

excellence was the new average. certificates &

                                                           awards &

                                                           teacher's notes overtook

my Barbie posters & My Little Pony figurines; my

beanbags & play center in my room were replaced by 

a desk & bookshelf because

gifted kids don't take breaks, the

world needs them. soon, trading Shopkins lost value as

i started trading test answers instead; my nails turned

from neon pink to black, navy, or white french tips. logo-stamped

backpacks turned into monochrome ones, & 

playdates turned into "hanging out" or study dates. first,

the lectures began to flow as my burnout overtook

my confidence & personality because

no one becomes a lawyer or politician 

with a C+ in English & a B in Math. then came

the panic attacks following each point docked; i had 

lost the ability to learn from failure because

it was definite & consuming. finally came

the vow to work harder

               to be the best

               to prove them all wrong

& in attempts to be better, the cycle began again

the voices in my head always whispering 

"you're on your own, kid"

i always have been

& i'm scared i always will be.