falling, falling, fallen

i love how the phrase is 'falling in love'
like love is a place at which to be
like love is something that engulfs someone
a deep, dark hole scented with primroses and violets
a hole with smooth walls, slippery walls
one cannot climb out so easily. 

i love how the phrase is 'falling in love'
not 'purposefully opening the door and 
walking calmly into love' 
because love is a surprise
and one never goes there on their own accord
yet when they do finally feel her seductive touch
they succumb to her dark beauty 
and they never climb out

it must be a beautiful, magical moment
when a soul means nothing but that which
its affection is directed to
i'm told so often that's what it's like

i fell in love with a song, a sound,
with a phrase, a look, 
the way wine-stained tablecloths look 
as the world dims into hibernation

but people fall in love with other people
and i don't know how that feels 
there's so much love in the world
all the same word, 'love' 
as if all affection could be called
one thing, and one thing only

i think i want to experience falling off a bridge
but not death
just the sensation of falling into a sea of blue
feeling the water surround me and support me
and slowly bring me down 

someone told me life isn't worth living unless i find love
and i asked, 
 "what does that mean?" 
"you want to spend your life with someone forever.don't you think it would be sad? to be lonely for eternity?"
i didn't want to disagree
but i really didn't agree
i thought maybe they were right
and maybe i was immature

finding love is falling because
we aren't sure whether we'll stand back up again
or if we'll lay fallen forever, 
forgotten, 
discarded, 
sifting to the bottom of an always-changing society

i don't understand the appeal
to give the secrets i keep to someone else
to pledge my life to someone else
to spend eternity with someone else
it sounds like hell to me 
i have friends, and i love them
but not in this way
they can't support me in everything
and it's not their fault 

i've inherited the right to carry these burdens
i've earned them from years spent attaining them
to share them would be folly

but sometimes i still think that 
maybe i should experience falling in love 
feeling it engulf me
and giving myself up to fate