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Jan 04
poem 4 comments
tomlinst's picture

Nothing Can Save Me Now

The balloons are dragged down
No time to run to the town
Nothing can save me now

Three white pearly spheres
Emitting nothing but fear
Nothing can save me now

Like the buffalo,
The orbs have stood since long ago
Nothing can save me now

The wind roars and howls
Like a great beast on the prowl
Nothing can save me now

As the balloons hit the lake,
The amends I need to make
Nothing can save me now
 
Posted: 01.04.17
tomlinst's picture
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  1. Jan 05, 2017

    This is cool. I was wondering if this was a response to the balloon challenge as it sounds like it should be. (You may have not linked this to the challenge, which you can do by editing your post.) I liked the repetition of the line, "Nothing can safe me now" at the end of each line. It really made this whole poem so much more powerful. I liked the detail throughout this whole piece and the rhetorical devices that were being used as well . I really enjoyed this piece. Thanks so much for sharing!

    Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing. -Benjamin Franklin
  1. Jan 05, 2017

    Thanks for telling me about the liking to the piece! And thanks for the feedback!

  1. Jan 05, 2017

    I found the repetition throughout this worked really nicely and helped add to this poem. Sometimes the lines you placed together, while they sounded really nice didn't quite make sense to me, as a reader, is there some backstory that will fill in some of the gaps? I'm not entirely sure what balloons you are talking about, and this seems to be a key part of this piece.

  1. Mar 21, 2017

    I forgot to link it to the piece... It was in response to the balloon prompt.