“Is it just me, or is it getting crazier out there? The snow just keeps falling, huh?” The question hits my ears with the force of a hammer. I thought I was alone here. Others had come and gone but they never said anything. The only voice I’ve heard in, what felt like a century, was my own; and yet, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I couldn’t face him. “Hello? I hope you’re alive over there,” he said with a chuckle, “a dead man is a whole mess I have no desire to clean up.” This time I turned to him. “It’s only us two now, we might as well get acquainted, don’t ya think?” I give him a shy nod and he leans back in his chair, “my friends call me Sam, hoping I’ll be able to call you a friend at some point. What’s your name?”
I lean back in my chair and mutter “James,” Sam sits up with a laugh and says “ah-ha! He speaks,” now that he’s sitting forward, I can finally make out his features. He’s an older man, probably in his 40s, has a pretty average build, but fit nonetheless. He’s wearing work clothes, old denim jeans, and a heavy leather coat, and there’s something familiar about him, a kind of Deja vu.
Sam looks out the window, “This place is a cold hell isn’t it?” I nod. It’s always snowing here. Always so cold. “Well if you won’t tell me how you got here, I guess I’ll start,” Sam says breaking my chain of thought. “This isn’t the place for light-hearted folk, is it? No, this is for the folks who need to get away from themselves and the rest of the world, and trust me, son, I am no different.” He looks back to the window, shame filling his face, a deep, unforgivable shame. A feeling I have become accustomed to. I lean forward, “What did you do, Sam?”
“Plenty of things that I am not proud of, my friend”, he said with a solemn look on his face, “I used to be someone important, you know? I used to have real power.” Sam stands up with his back to me. “Some would say I got greedy, others would say I was evil. They were wrong tho. Every one of them. I didn’t get greedy, I didn’t turn evil, all I did was speak up against someone more powerful. It’s the powerful people who write the history books, not those who were there, no no no, it’s the ones who win! Then they shape the world how they envision it! The world would be a rather different place if Hitler won the war, don’t ya think?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I replied timidly. “Yeah, yeah, anyway, I had a falling from grace of a sort. Mixed me up with the wrong people, I gave them information I probably shouldn’t have, and what did they do? They blamed me for their actions once they knew the truth. And it just kept happening, people blaming me for their wrongdoings.” he said sitting down once again, “but you, my new friend, I can see a story brewing behind those eyes. Might as well spill it, huh?” I looked down without saying anything, but he was right, I wasn’t there for no reason. “It’s only me and you, kid. Me and you for a long, long time.”
“Okay,” I said quietly, “It starts a long time ago, in what feels like another life. I met a woman, beautiful as can be, the kind of woman who brightens up any room. Well long story short, we fell in love. One thing led to another and one day she came to me and told me she was pregnant. She said she was pregnant with our child, and I was more than happy, I was overjoyed. The beginning was amazing, just love and happiness all around, but pregnancies are hard, man. And on top of that, she wanted to get married and buy a new house before the baby was born. I was stressed, anyone would be, right?” I say looking at Sam, he nods, and I continued, “Well, I started drinking, I started drinking maybe a little more than I should have. One night, a couple of months before she gave birth, I was driving home from a bar, and I know I shouldn’t have been but I did anyway, there was an accident, I hit someone, I killed someone. They put me away for a while.”
“But that’s not all, is it James?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Sam.” I said to him, “It’s just you and me buddy. Be honest.” he says as tears start forming in my eyes, “fine” I say looking away, “ It wasn’t just someone I hit. It was a young girl. I didn’t know what to do, I threw her body in some bushes and left. I mean I had a family to take care of, you know? Unfortunately, a security camera caught it and I had cops at my door in no time. I went to jail as I said before. Up until she gave birth, my girl would visit me, but after that, it was only calls. She’d always say that prison wasn’t the place for a baby, and I didn’t want our daughter’s first look of her father to be behind bars anyway. As time went on our calls got fewer and fewer until they just stopped. I thought about them every day tho, sent plenty of letters. I got out a few months early, good behavior, but she wasn’t there to greet me. Maybe she was busy, or maybe she didn’t know I got out early, I thought, but I didn’t know. I knew where she’d be tho, the house we bought together, before, everything went sideways, so that’s where I went. For all those years I had been dreaming of her and dreaming of seeing our baby girl, but as I pulled up I was met with something heart-crushing.”
I stopped, trying to hold back tears. “What did you see, James?” Sam said. I stood up, pacing as I told my story now. “I saw her, and I saw our daughter, and I saw another man. I watched as he walked up to the woman I love, the woman I love! And kiss her, right in front of my daughter! I just drove away, I couldn’t face them. I went to the closest liquor store and bought a bottle with the last bit of money I had from my wallet all those years ago. I sat in my car for hours and drank. By the time the bottle was empty I was the drunkest I had ever been. And I don’t know why, but I decided that I was going to introduce myself to my daughter right then. I drove my drunken ass to her house, and I banged on the door bottle still in hand. It must have been twelve or one in the morning, she opened the door, she was in her nightgown, but was still the most beautiful creature on this planet. I said ‘surprise!’ and opened my arms for a hug but all I was met with was a cold ‘what are you doing here?’ What was I doing there? That was my god damn house. Then she told me to leave, but I just wanted to talk to her, I pushed myself into the house, and that was when her new man came running downstairs. He started yelling at me, telling me to leave, then he pushed me, and--,” I stopped. “Then what James? Tell me what you did.” I turned away from Sam, watching the snowfall.
“I bashed him over the head with the empty liquor bottle. Hit him right in the temple. I killed him. But that wasn’t the worst part when I hit him, I heard from up the stairs, my own daughter scream, ‘daddy no!’ my own daughter didn’t know who I was. She thought the man lying, bleeding, on the ground was her father. In a fit of rage, I grabbed the woman I loved by the throat and started screaming at her because she never told her. My daughter ran down the stairs and started hitting me, telling me to go away. It was an accident, I swear, but I still had the broken bottle in my hand, and I tried to push her off me, but I cut her neck with the bottle and I didn’t even notice. My old lover had since stopped moving with my hand still around my neck. I killed her. I panicked and I left my daughter bleeding out on the floor, she didn’t make it either. It wasn’t my fault tho, I just came to talk, they were the ones who freaked out on me.”
“Where’d you go next, James,” Sam says over my ramblings, but his voice sounded different this time, almost like he was smiling, he pulled his hat down so when I turned back to him I could no longer see his face. He stood up and started walking towards me. “Do you remember what happened next, James?” he said. “Uh...no…” I responded. “Well James, you, the drunken mess you were, hopped into your car and ended up driving into a semi 5 minutes later. You died.
“H-how is that possible? I’m talking to you right now, I’m not dead.” I say nervously as a start moving away from him. “Well, son, I have to admit something, I was lying, my name ain’t Sam. Hope you aren’t angry, we all lie every now and then, I’m no angel” he says, still sitting down,” At least not anymore.” He looks up at me with a twisted grin, “this isn’t what I look like either, kid,” he continued, but then it finally clicked, his face was the man who I killed, the man who stole my family. “Wha-what the fuck is going on!” I scream “You’re in hell, James,” as he said that the whole room changed, it changed into my old house, I turned around and my daughter and her mother were there too, “I’m going to make you relive the moment you killed your family over and over and over again, for all eternity. The dying faces of the people you love the most will be burned into your soul over and over and over again.”
“Please,” I say falling to my knees in front of him, “Please have mercy on me!” In a distorted voice, I hear him respond “You’ll get as much mercy as they did” When I looked up at him he was no long Sam, his face a black void and he was wearing a suit. “Have a good forever,” he said in his distorted voice, “NO!” I screamed, “Please you can’t do this!”
“I didn’t do anything, James, these actions are yours, and yours alone,” he responded. I close my eyes, tears rushing down my face, and when I open them I’m outside the door. My body moves on its own, I bang on the door and she opens it. My body moves through the same motions as before while I scream inside my mind. As her body goes limp within my hands again I hear a fading voice say “Goodbye, friend.”
I lean back in my chair and mutter “James,” Sam sits up with a laugh and says “ah-ha! He speaks,” now that he’s sitting forward, I can finally make out his features. He’s an older man, probably in his 40s, has a pretty average build, but fit nonetheless. He’s wearing work clothes, old denim jeans, and a heavy leather coat, and there’s something familiar about him, a kind of Deja vu.
Sam looks out the window, “This place is a cold hell isn’t it?” I nod. It’s always snowing here. Always so cold. “Well if you won’t tell me how you got here, I guess I’ll start,” Sam says breaking my chain of thought. “This isn’t the place for light-hearted folk, is it? No, this is for the folks who need to get away from themselves and the rest of the world, and trust me, son, I am no different.” He looks back to the window, shame filling his face, a deep, unforgivable shame. A feeling I have become accustomed to. I lean forward, “What did you do, Sam?”
“Plenty of things that I am not proud of, my friend”, he said with a solemn look on his face, “I used to be someone important, you know? I used to have real power.” Sam stands up with his back to me. “Some would say I got greedy, others would say I was evil. They were wrong tho. Every one of them. I didn’t get greedy, I didn’t turn evil, all I did was speak up against someone more powerful. It’s the powerful people who write the history books, not those who were there, no no no, it’s the ones who win! Then they shape the world how they envision it! The world would be a rather different place if Hitler won the war, don’t ya think?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I replied timidly. “Yeah, yeah, anyway, I had a falling from grace of a sort. Mixed me up with the wrong people, I gave them information I probably shouldn’t have, and what did they do? They blamed me for their actions once they knew the truth. And it just kept happening, people blaming me for their wrongdoings.” he said sitting down once again, “but you, my new friend, I can see a story brewing behind those eyes. Might as well spill it, huh?” I looked down without saying anything, but he was right, I wasn’t there for no reason. “It’s only me and you, kid. Me and you for a long, long time.”
“Okay,” I said quietly, “It starts a long time ago, in what feels like another life. I met a woman, beautiful as can be, the kind of woman who brightens up any room. Well long story short, we fell in love. One thing led to another and one day she came to me and told me she was pregnant. She said she was pregnant with our child, and I was more than happy, I was overjoyed. The beginning was amazing, just love and happiness all around, but pregnancies are hard, man. And on top of that, she wanted to get married and buy a new house before the baby was born. I was stressed, anyone would be, right?” I say looking at Sam, he nods, and I continued, “Well, I started drinking, I started drinking maybe a little more than I should have. One night, a couple of months before she gave birth, I was driving home from a bar, and I know I shouldn’t have been but I did anyway, there was an accident, I hit someone, I killed someone. They put me away for a while.”
“But that’s not all, is it James?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Sam.” I said to him, “It’s just you and me buddy. Be honest.” he says as tears start forming in my eyes, “fine” I say looking away, “ It wasn’t just someone I hit. It was a young girl. I didn’t know what to do, I threw her body in some bushes and left. I mean I had a family to take care of, you know? Unfortunately, a security camera caught it and I had cops at my door in no time. I went to jail as I said before. Up until she gave birth, my girl would visit me, but after that, it was only calls. She’d always say that prison wasn’t the place for a baby, and I didn’t want our daughter’s first look of her father to be behind bars anyway. As time went on our calls got fewer and fewer until they just stopped. I thought about them every day tho, sent plenty of letters. I got out a few months early, good behavior, but she wasn’t there to greet me. Maybe she was busy, or maybe she didn’t know I got out early, I thought, but I didn’t know. I knew where she’d be tho, the house we bought together, before, everything went sideways, so that’s where I went. For all those years I had been dreaming of her and dreaming of seeing our baby girl, but as I pulled up I was met with something heart-crushing.”
I stopped, trying to hold back tears. “What did you see, James?” Sam said. I stood up, pacing as I told my story now. “I saw her, and I saw our daughter, and I saw another man. I watched as he walked up to the woman I love, the woman I love! And kiss her, right in front of my daughter! I just drove away, I couldn’t face them. I went to the closest liquor store and bought a bottle with the last bit of money I had from my wallet all those years ago. I sat in my car for hours and drank. By the time the bottle was empty I was the drunkest I had ever been. And I don’t know why, but I decided that I was going to introduce myself to my daughter right then. I drove my drunken ass to her house, and I banged on the door bottle still in hand. It must have been twelve or one in the morning, she opened the door, she was in her nightgown, but was still the most beautiful creature on this planet. I said ‘surprise!’ and opened my arms for a hug but all I was met with was a cold ‘what are you doing here?’ What was I doing there? That was my god damn house. Then she told me to leave, but I just wanted to talk to her, I pushed myself into the house, and that was when her new man came running downstairs. He started yelling at me, telling me to leave, then he pushed me, and--,” I stopped. “Then what James? Tell me what you did.” I turned away from Sam, watching the snowfall.
“I bashed him over the head with the empty liquor bottle. Hit him right in the temple. I killed him. But that wasn’t the worst part when I hit him, I heard from up the stairs, my own daughter scream, ‘daddy no!’ my own daughter didn’t know who I was. She thought the man lying, bleeding, on the ground was her father. In a fit of rage, I grabbed the woman I loved by the throat and started screaming at her because she never told her. My daughter ran down the stairs and started hitting me, telling me to go away. It was an accident, I swear, but I still had the broken bottle in my hand, and I tried to push her off me, but I cut her neck with the bottle and I didn’t even notice. My old lover had since stopped moving with my hand still around my neck. I killed her. I panicked and I left my daughter bleeding out on the floor, she didn’t make it either. It wasn’t my fault tho, I just came to talk, they were the ones who freaked out on me.”
“Where’d you go next, James,” Sam says over my ramblings, but his voice sounded different this time, almost like he was smiling, he pulled his hat down so when I turned back to him I could no longer see his face. He stood up and started walking towards me. “Do you remember what happened next, James?” he said. “Uh...no…” I responded. “Well James, you, the drunken mess you were, hopped into your car and ended up driving into a semi 5 minutes later. You died.
“H-how is that possible? I’m talking to you right now, I’m not dead.” I say nervously as a start moving away from him. “Well, son, I have to admit something, I was lying, my name ain’t Sam. Hope you aren’t angry, we all lie every now and then, I’m no angel” he says, still sitting down,” At least not anymore.” He looks up at me with a twisted grin, “this isn’t what I look like either, kid,” he continued, but then it finally clicked, his face was the man who I killed, the man who stole my family. “Wha-what the fuck is going on!” I scream “You’re in hell, James,” as he said that the whole room changed, it changed into my old house, I turned around and my daughter and her mother were there too, “I’m going to make you relive the moment you killed your family over and over and over again, for all eternity. The dying faces of the people you love the most will be burned into your soul over and over and over again.”
“Please,” I say falling to my knees in front of him, “Please have mercy on me!” In a distorted voice, I hear him respond “You’ll get as much mercy as they did” When I looked up at him he was no long Sam, his face a black void and he was wearing a suit. “Have a good forever,” he said in his distorted voice, “NO!” I screamed, “Please you can’t do this!”
“I didn’t do anything, James, these actions are yours, and yours alone,” he responded. I close my eyes, tears rushing down my face, and when I open them I’m outside the door. My body moves on its own, I bang on the door and she opens it. My body moves through the same motions as before while I scream inside my mind. As her body goes limp within my hands again I hear a fading voice say “Goodbye, friend.”
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