confusing, scary, lonely, hopeful

confusing
people rushing around
looking for things they know aren't there
but praying desperately that they will find them anyway
facts jumbled and mixed up
with rumors 
and numbers I look at with disbelieving eyes
my heart pounding 
and head swimming with the sheer amount of damage this world population
as sustained over the past few weeks

scary
my fingers clench and unclench 
as i sit in waiting for my parents to return from the store
my brother's arguing in the background
with the knowledge that if they contract something
we will too
with the jolt of fear in my bones
that comes every time somebody coughs near me
(I may be a bit sensitive about that)
with the building terror
that i could get sick too
and not get better

lonely
the need to reach out
and feel the arms of my grandmother
my teacher
my friends
wrapp around me
and laugh about some stupid joke i made
pushing me down
so i'm crumpled on the floor
like the dirty items of clothing
cast aside for something better
I just miss them
so much

hopeful 
i sit by my window
my wishes for the world 
lost among the sweet piano notes in my headphones 
and the tapping of my fingers against the rain splattered window pane
as i hope that i can have a good birthday
or one that's not depressing at least
and that people will stop dying
people I care about
people I barely know
people i've never even seen
i just want them all to live
to see this world improve
as i hope it will. 

yes
i am confused
and scared
and lonely
but i'm also hopeful
i have hope that things will get better
I have hope
that people will smile again
and I have hope
that our world can be a better place.