faded

the hurt
like glass shattered on harsh rock
lashed by the wrath 
of wind and wave
sharp 
and jabbing 
throwing me down 
filling my lungs 
with excruciating pain 
like being caught in the spin cycle 
of an emotional washing machine 
writhing inside
the anguish tearing away 
at what's left of my sanity 
regrets forming lumps in my throat 
shutting me up 
with the tiny 
messed up
miniscule hope
that if i don't talk 
don't say things wrong 
no one will have reason to stare for too long 
and as the waves 
wear away 
at the small pieces of yesterday 
and the pain is replaced with numb 
the sharp edges dulled
deeper i sink 
from the salty tears
that still saw light 
to the frozen depths of nothingness
where only dark thoughts reside
drowning
by my own choice 
as the clarity fades
and milky is the glass in my palm 
it's color muted 
by the sandy bottom of the ocean 
I hold up this glass
to the faint light 
from my closed blinds
and peer closer 
in this fragment 
i put my hate
my pain and anger
and leave it there
on the window sill 
to hold those feelings for me 
and let me no longer 
feel faded.