faded sweater

the rain taps against my window
and the heater next to my bed hums along
as the cloud filtered light from the overcast sky 
comes peeking through my closed blinds

I hug my faded sweater closer 
and pray that someway 
somehow 
things will be ok again

my arms clad in dark grey fabric
that cross over my chest
to hold each other
to hold me together 
to keep the pain inside this worn out soul

broken pencils litter the floor 
crumpled balls of grief filled letters and paper 
create a cage of words that don't work 
that imprison me in feeling
and drown me in the tears i refuse to free from my pride

as try so hard
to hide the hurt 
and suppress the aching in every inch of my soul 
to be quiet
to keep my mouth shut
and keep you in the dark
when all i want
is to tell you everything
and beg for your forgiveness
and hope that you understand.