my sisters face was smeared
with tears that could no longer
fit in her eyes
and my brother was so silent
that I felt selfish to talk.

people came and went
as if the casket
was a candy store
and their sobs
sounded like carols
to my eight year old
ears.

as I looked down 
over my tiny snow
covered shoes
into the deep frozen earth
I realized for the first time
what death meant.

the winter air
never felt 
so cold.