I am

today 
I feel a yearning
a deep desire
to go 
to the ocean
and dive beneath the waves 
letting the cold water wash my tears away 
and cleanse my soul 
of the pointless anger
that still lingers

I want to lose myself in the water 
the vastness of the sea
to not have to worry 
about being me
but only the me they want to see
not who I am 
inside of that shell 
pretty and painted
yes it is true
but that shell isn't me
it's a fake made for you. 

I'm an octopus
shifting and changing 
my emotions showing up 
as color on my skin 
ink on my paper 
explaining my sins
the problems I face 
when i let you in 

I am a starfish 
soft I may seem
but if you rip me apart
I will regrow my limbs 
and keep sticking to you 
reminding you of what you did 
to hurt such an harmless thing 

I am a wave 
crashing down on my own shoulders
causing myself more pain than I should 
trying to rid myself of the bad
but still desperately trying to salvage the good

I am a storm 
my fists are the crashing of the waves
and you are a ship 
drowning in my tears
my anger is noisy 
the thunder my yell
as the wind sweeps you past 
and I calm down 
I see my own faults
yes I can see them now

I'm sorry 
that I yelled
and lied
and deceived 
but I was just trying 
to protect you from me
and my feelings 
that run far to deep 

I think I might go dive in the sea
and lose myself there 
for a while at least 
if not for forever
who knows
we will see. 
 
this is not done 
it's far from complete
i still have a lot of edits to make.